Bert Beamish

Bert Beamish is the main protagonist of The Ickabog by J.K. Rowling along with Daisy Dovetail, his friend and stepsister as well as a member of the Cornucopian Army, following his father's footsteps. He currently lives in Cornucopia with his mother, stepsister, and stepfather.

Early Life
Bert was born to Bertha Beamish and Major Beamish at an unknown time. At some point, he became friends with Daisy Dovetail, which was expected as the two families were close.

The Dovetails visit
"When a family called the Dovetails came over for dinner one night, Mr. Dovetail entertained everybody with what he claimed was the latest news of the Ickabog." --Description of the Dovetails's visit

The Dovetails visited the Beamish house when Bert was five. Mr. Dovetail, Daisy's father, had entertained them all with the "latest news of the Ickabog." He told it with so much detail that Bert had a nightmare of the Ickabog, in which its white eyes were staring at him across a fog-filled marsh into which he was slowly sinking. Bertha walked him through his fear, and was no longer scared. Mr. Dovetail felt guilty of this, so since he was a carpenter, he carved Bert an Ickabog toy.

Childhood Treatment
Bert's mother was a pastry chef, and she brought home lots of cakes that had not turned out how she wanted, so Bert became rather plump. Many other children in the neighborhood had nicknamed him "Butterball," which made him cry. However, Daisy was his defender against bullies, and she was always ready to tackle anyone who called him the nickname. Daisy and Bert acted more like brother and sister than playmates, and they were born days apart, and their families were on good terms with each other, and they lived next to each other, so it was reasonable that they would become friends.

Mrs. Dovetail's Death
"Bert kept looking back at Daisy as his tearful mother and grim-faced father led him slowly away. Bert wanted to say something to his best friend, but what had happened was too enormous and dreadful for words. Bert could hardly bear to imagine how he'd feel if his mother had disappeared forever into the cold, hard, earth." --Bert's thoughts about Mrs. Dovetail's death at the funeral.

The King of neighboring Pluritania came to pay a visit to King Fred, so Fred requested a new garment as he did every month, with dull purple fabric, overlaid with silver lace, amethyst buttons, and gray fur at the cuffs. Daisy's mother was not quite well at the moment, but she still worked on the garment. At last, she was overworked and, with the last amethyst button in her hand, she lay on the floor, dead. She was later found by her assistant and buried in the graveyard in the City-Within-The-City. Bert's parents slowly led him away at the funeral, but he wanted to comfort Daisy, and he could not bear to think about his feelings if his mother had "disappeared into the cold, hard earth."

King Fred felt uncomfortable and scared when he saw the Dovetail house with black curtains, and asked his advisor Herringbone to move the Dovetails. Bert visited Daisy less, and had less room to play in her yard.

One day when Bert and Daisy were outside, a girl in the area commented that she wanted the King to wave at them, to which Daisy flatly said that she didn't, catching the attention and glares of many. Bert was shocked and whispered to Daisy that she should not have said that. Daisy responded that she did not care, and that if the King had not worked her mother so hard, she would still be alive. Bert then proceeded to label Fred as the "best king of Cornucopia they'd ever had," with Daisy replying that he was selfish, vain, and cruel. Bert responded by saying, "Daisy, don't be -- don't be silly!" Daisy then proceeded to smack Bert across his face, with remarks from the eldest Roach brother, Roderick, who said, "Don't let her get away with it, Butterball! Fight! Fight! Fight!" Daisy launched herself at Bert and the two wrestled until they were pulled apart by Bert's father.

Petition Day & Major Beamish's Death
"The moon slid out from behind a cloud at that moment and they saw a vast granite boulder with a mass of thorny branches at its base. Tangled up in these brambles was a terrified, skinny dog, whimpering and scrabbling to free itself, its eyes flashing in the reflected moonlight. A little beyond the giant boulder, facedown in the bog, lay Major Beamish."'' -- Description of Mr. Beamish's Death

The day before Petition Day, Bert was awarded a small medal by Fred that was owned previously be Fred's hunting dog. He then went back to school and was the center of attention. He became "friends" with Roderick Roach and felt uncomfortable when he saw Daisy looking at him.

An old farmer from the Marshlands came to Fred on Petition Day, saying that his old dog, Patch, was a victim of the Ickabog. Though he did not believe him, Fred agreed to search for his dog, because of Daisy's words, bringing many soldiers with him. Soon, Fred began sink into the marsh waters. He claimed to have seen the Ickabog, and that they should flee quickly. He sent Spittleworth and Flapoon to fetch his sword, which he had lost. Spittleworth and Flapoon heard a sound, and went to check it out. They heard Major Beamish's voice and a growl. The fog shifted, and they saw a "monstrous black silhouette with gleaming white eyes" in front of them. Flapoon let out his blunderbuss, which, revealed later, shot Major Beamish. They soon "found" Major Beamish's body and the farmer's dog. "Bert and Mrs. Beamish, who were standing outside their cottage in the shadow of the palace walls, knew there was something wrong because of the crowd's gasps. Although Mrs. Beamish felt somewhat anxious, she was still sure that she was about to see her handsome husband, because the king would have sent word if he'd been hurt. So when the procession rounded the corner, Mrs. Beamish's eyes slid from face to face, expecting to see the major's. And when she realized that there were no faces left, the color drained slowly from her own. Then her gaze fell upon the body strapped to Major Beamish's steel-gray horse, and, still holding Bert's hand, she fainted clean away."--Description of the reaction of Mrs. Beamish to Major Beamish's death

Because of Spittleworth forgetting to send word about her husband's death, Mrs. Beamish and Bert had to find out by looking at his body. Spittleworth then tried to explain to them that he had sent someone called Nobby Buttons to send word about the Major's Death. Mrs. Beamish asked to kiss her husband one last time, but Spittleworth told a lie that his face was half gone. Bert said that she could still kiss his hand, and Mrs. Beamish did.

Funeral
The Funeral of Mr. Beamish coincided with the so-called Nobby Buttons's Funeral. Nobby's mother (actually the disguised footman Otto Scrumble) was loudly weeping and cursing the Ickabog while ten men struggled to put her son's coffin into the ground (it had been filled with bricks), unlike Bert and his mother, who were just quietly weeping and mourning. Bertha sobbed when Lord Spittleworth gave the Beamish family a silver medal.

Aftermath
After Major Beamish was killed, taxes were raised to "protect the country from the Ickabog." Tax collectors would soon become a common sight on the streets. Having large, lamp-like white eyes painted on the backs on their uniforms, this was to remind everybody of what the tax was for, but soon, there creeped a rumor that the eyes represented Spittleworth's eyes, watching to make sure people paid up. After they received enough money, Spittleworth had thought it was suitable to create a statue of one of the Ickabog's unfortunate victims, to remind everybody what a savage beast it was. And thus, a statue of Nobby Buttons had been created. The Ickabog Defense Brigade had become quite popular after the incident. The citizens propped up paintings of King Fred fighting the Ickabog in their windows, and hung wooden signs on their doors, saying things like, "Proud to pay the Ickabog tax!" and "Down with the Ickabog, up with the King!" It said that Bert's family had so many signs and flags that you could not see the house. Bertha paid the Ickabog Tax somewhat easily, since she was well paid.